My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
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