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I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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