M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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