i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
