wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Randomize
