He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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