Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
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