Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
Duck Duck Cougar?
Small penises have feelings too.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
