Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
These tits shall not be calmed
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
