Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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