i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
