i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
What changed your mind?
Being sober
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
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