My first STD was from a foam party
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
