Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
