remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Randomize
