It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize