I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I had to cum in my sink.
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