She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
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