She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
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