I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
you had me at cake vodka
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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