You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Randomize
