Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
