just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Randomize
