Your mouth is God's brothel.
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
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