help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
