yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
