her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Randomize
