I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
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