Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
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