Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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