wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
