She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
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