youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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