my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
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