it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
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