Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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