I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Randomize
