peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
