was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
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