dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
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