I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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