Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
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