My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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