Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
