I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
