Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Randomize
