My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I need to sanitize my soul.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
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