forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
