Pregnant stripper...not hot.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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