If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
My breasts were aching with rage.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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