Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
a search helicopter?!
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
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