i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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