Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize