If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Randomize
