On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Randomize
