Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Randomize
