I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
