So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
