What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
