So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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