I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
My dad is sitting where you rode me
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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