if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Randomize
