This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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