Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I said "one day" and that day is not today
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
