i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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