I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
