Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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