Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I FOUND THE LEGS
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
