I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
