He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
