May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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