Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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