Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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