Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
When did we convert life to cartoon?
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
