I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
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