Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
