Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I touched a dick in church today
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