I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
